“Hatred” is a strong word and carries with it very significant implications. The word itself means “to detest” or “a strong feeling of dislike or ill will.” With it is carried the implication that there is no care felt about a person’s well being either now or eternally. And while such an emotion should never be felt for anybody, it is especially disturbing when such discord is felt among brethren. Some, though, would loudly proclaim that never in a million years, even amidst the harshness with which some brethren treat each other, would a brother hate another brother in Christ. But if that were really true, and brotherly hatred was something with which the church never had to deal, why would John have been inspired to write about that very topic?
“Again, a new commandment I write unto you, which thing is true in him and in you: because the darkness is past, and the true light now shineth. He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now. He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is none occasion of stumbling in him. But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes” (I John 2:8-11).
So along with the implications it carries, hatred is found to have equally strong consequences; consequences that we should be seeking to avoid at all costs. With all of this in mind, it perhaps is prudent to ask, “Do I really love my brother?” Such a question might seem over the top, but the way we answer that question will determine our eternal salvation. Are the ill feelings that I may feel toward a brother in Christ those over which I am willing to lose my soul? Is holding a grudge worth losing the eternal salvation that I could otherwise enjoy? These are the realities surrounding the topic of brotherly love. How, though, can I know if I truly love my brother?
In I Corinthians 13, the apostle Paul was inspired to write an exceptional essay on that very topic. What is brotherly love, and how is that love put into practice? These are questions that Paul would go on to answer in that great chapter. Therefore, to answer the question “Do I really love my brother?”, it would perhaps be relevant to ask some questions relating to that very chapter.
First, among the many we could find from this chapter, one question might be “am I short-tempered toward my brethren?” Notice how that in vs. 4, Paul stated that “charity suffereth long, and is kind.” This long-suffering was defined by Lipscomb as “the protracted endurance of wrong, such as is fitted to provoke resentment.” Should we tolerate sin and iniquity? No. But that does not mean that proper respect cannot still be shown even in the midst of disagreement. Surely it is better to respectfully disagree than to disrespectfully disagree. The former would make it more likely that the person in the wrong can be reached. However, if I have no concern for whether they are reached with what is true and right, then my disposition will be matched by my attitude. Therefore, if love is longsuffering and kind, but I am not, then I must ask, “Do I really love my brother?”
Second, a question that would be good to ask might be, “do I make quick assumptions about my brethren?” In vs. 5, Paul would say about charity that it “thinketh no evil.” True brotherly love demands that we think the best of each other. That does not mean we over look clear evidence if evil is committed, but it means that when a question might arise we assume the best. What kind of marriage would a couple have if every time a husband is a few minutes late coming home the wife assumes he is having an affair? That relationship could very easily fall apart, even though nothing wrong was ever done. Often instead of seeing the facts or seeking the facts, brethren are often quick to assume the worst of each other. Why? Are we in a competition as Christians? Do I believe that the destruction of my brother will lead to my exaltation? Such attitudes are not the attitudes of Christians! Therefore, if love thinks no evil, but I jump to conclusions without warrant, then I must ask, “Do I really love my brother?”
And third, a question that could be asked would be, “do I rejoice in the faults of my brethren?” Paul would go on to say in vs. 6 that love “rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in truth.” How can brethren in Christ possibly have joy in the failures of each other, especially those failures of the soul? Earlier in Romans 1, Paul had addressed the topic of those who had been given up to vile affections, and among them were those “who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them” (Romans 1:32). That possibly is the best description that could be given to those who are glad when their brethren fail—they are vile. True love does not rejoice in iniquity, but in truth; therefore if I find joy in the faults of my brethren, then I must ask, “Do I really love my brother?”
New Testament Christianity is a family affair. It is something at which we must work together in order to fulfill God’s plan for the body of His Son (I Corinthians 12:12-27). But the body will never function together as expected if its members do not have love for each other. Am I really seeking to do the will of the Father? Do I really want to be part of the great reunion that will take place in heaven? Do I really love my brother?