What I’ve Learned From Seven Years of Marriage

The institution of marriage has gotten a bad rap in society in recent years.  With the onslaught of liberally minded folks advocating for homosexual marriage we’ve heard the common arguments that marriage is about tax breaks, hospital visitation rights, and inheritance rights.  Sure, such are some social benefits of marriage, but the true benefits of marriage have not been designed by society; the One who designed marriage itself has designed them.

Marriage is about companionship.   One thing I have learned from being married is that I’m not always right and my way is not always the best way.  Much like most men that is my common assumption, but experience has taught me that sometimes there is an alternative way to look at or do something.  I thank God that I have a wife who is not afraid to challenge me.  Now that’s not to say that she does not humbly submit herself to me as a Christian wife (Colossians 3:18).  But at the same time she does not let me walk foolishly into avoidable mistakes.  I like to think that Kristy and I balance each other out well.  She can be overly concerned about some things while I have no concern whatsoever.  She is not justified in her abundant stress but neither am I justified in my complete lack of it – but between the two of us we often have a perfectly respectable approach to whatever we face.  That’s what marriage is intended to be, a companionship.  Woman was created by God to be man’s helpmeet (Genesis 2:18).  She is the other half that makes me whole.  Outside of that companionship who knows how many more stupid mistakes I would have made in life thus far!

Marriage is about communication.  Sometimes I am just naturally quiet.  Now those who have to listen to me preach on a weekly basis may scoff at that, but as far as conversation is concerned I find I have to make myself communicate with people so that they don’t feel as though I’m uninterested.  The same is true at home.  If my wife didn’t make me talk to her sometimes about some things I probably never would.  But how would our marriage survive?  How would she know when I had concerns about something?  How would I know what I did to make her mad?  Outside of regular communication those emotions would likely sit and simmer until they eventually exploded and caused significant problems that would be more difficult to fix.  It’s interesting to me that the Bible doesn’t touch much on the topic of communication in marriage.  I don’t believe its because God doesn’t feel its necessary, I believe its because its necessity is assumed.  How in the world could two people live with one another and expect their relationship to remain intact and healthy but never communicate.  With some of us it is more of a struggle than others.  With men it is typically more of a problem than it is with women.  But for our marriages to be everything they can be we must learn that marriage is about communication.

Marriage is about camaraderie.  It’s not just enough for Kristy and me to be husband and wife if we are not at the same time friends.  This happens many times.  Husbands view their wives as glorified babysitters.  Wives view husbands as money machines.  Each has their role, they function efficiently in that role, but often the marriage seems to be nothing more than a business arrangement because that’s how it functions.  A friendship is about much more.  Friends spend time together.  They have common interests and aspirations.  They go places and do things.  Marriage is supposed to be fun.  No, not every single little aspect about a marriage is going to be fun.  There can be unpleasant things that arise that must be dealt with, but generally speaking that should be the exception and not the rule.  Husbands and wives need to have fun together.  They need to go on weekend trips, regular dates, vacations, day trips; whatever it is they both enjoy doing they need to do.  That’s what is going to strengthen the bond and deepen the love, the times of happiness that you can look back on with fondness.  God intended husbands and wives to gain pleasure from their relationship.  Kristy may run me ragged but we have fun and while that’s not what its all about it is a large part of it!

To anyone who reads this simple list and thinks I’ve left a lot out, yes I have learned more than what’s been revealed in these few lines.  But one other thing I’ve learned is that I’ve got a lot more learning to do.  So here’s to seven down and a lifetime to go!