Learning to Deal With Controversy Without Being Controversial

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I have to admit.   In my life as a preacher I’ve had to deal with some controversy.  Surprised?  I didn’t think so.  But the reality is that I haven’t just dealt with controversy as a preacher, I’ve dealt with it as a person in the exact same way that you have.  It may be that I’ve dealt with different types of controversy than you but no more frustrating or problematic.  But I’ve got another confession.  I haven’t always dealt with it well.

No, I haven’t always dealt with controversy well.  Sometimes I still don’t.  But I have found from experience that the best way to deal with controversy is to avoid being controversial yourself.  Profound, right?  But I cannot take credit for this marvelous discovery.  Actually we read about Jesus taking this very same approach.

How often did Jesus find Himself as the object of controversy? Practically everyday.  In fact, it wasn’t too long into His ministry that we read about the Pharisees already conspiring about “how they might destroy him” (Matthew 12:14).  How could Jesus possibly keep a calm spirit in dealing with people like that and others?  Well, while there were times when Jesus had to get in people’s faces and tell them the hard and bitter truth (Matthew 23; John 2:14-15), Jesus was more often able to deal with controversy without being controversial.  So really all we have to do is turn to His life and find out how it is done.

  • Judge without being judgmental.  Sound like a contradiction of terms?  It’s really not.  In fact, Jesus did that very thing in John 8.  You remember that the Pharisees brought Him a woman that was caught in the very act of adultery and sought His approval to condemn her by stoning.  He refused to be judgmental enough to cast a stone but He did leave her with this admonition – “…go, and sin no more” (John 8:11).  Contrary to popular belief, Jesus did judge her.  He told her she had sinned and plead with her not to do it again.  But He wasn’t judgmental in that He didn’t talk down to her or belittle her.  He spoke to her in a respectful way but dealt with the issue at hand.  Even when it comes to controversy the principles of the Golden Rule still apply – “Therefore all things, whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them…” (Matthew 7:12).
  • Try to win a soul, not just an argument.  It is unconscionable that Christians, of all people, could get so wrapped up in trying to win an argument at any cost that they lose control of themselves in the conversation.  I’ve seen what started as a civil discussion about differences in religion turn into a name-calling, temper filled tantrum of sorts.  A tantrum in which the uncompromising concern is no longer convincing a person of what is right but simply winning the fight.  That is the type of attitude displayed more in the lives of people like Diotrophes (3 John) than it is anything you’d ever see displayed in the life of Jesus.  “He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated” (Proverbs 14:17).
  • Remember your own imperfections.  This was the whole mindset behind Jesus’ statement to “judge not, that ye be not judged” in the first place (Matthew 7:1).  I know that because He went on to define His words in vs. 2-6.  We should never judge a person’s guilt in such a way that we overlook our own sins.  Sometimes the way people approach the sins of others makes it appear as thought they are perfect.  Keep in mind that any sin we confront in the lives of others is eternally no worse than the sin we have been or even are guilty of in our own lives.  “For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again” (Matthew 7:2).
  • Try to show the same grace to others that you have received from God.  Could you imagine what would have become of us if God treated our sins the way we treat the sins of others.  Sometimes we are so adamant in our opposition to sin that we forget that there is such a thing as grace.  I in no way am trying to imply that we should not adamantly oppose sin.  But at the same time we need to remember that “the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men…” (Titus 2:11).  Christians have benefited from that grace and we should be most concerned now that others are able to experience what we have.  God has shown us grace, so we need to be willing to show a little grace to others.
We are never going to be able to avoid controversy.  Try as we may controversy exists and there’s nothing we can do about that.  What we can control is how we handle that controversy.  Let’s do what we can to deal with it most effectively to the glory of God and not just our own.

-Andy Brewer

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